Sunday, October 25, 2009

Showdown - god vs. Startrek Q: Round 1

This article is a little lighter than my usual post. I was thinking last night, what if we were to have a showdown of gods vs. various non-gods, such as fictional or mythical characters.

**** Showdown: God of Bible vs. Star Trek Q ***
A little background on Star Trek Q for those not familiar

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_%28Star_Trek%29

The character Q is a mischievous, seemingly omnipotent being. Q's power is limited only in that he cannot overcome others in the Q Continuum. Otherwise, he can do more or less whatever he wants.


Note on God used here.
There are multiple gods listed in the bible. Yahweh, Elohim and El Shaddai are the most common. I decided to go with the name Elohim, instead of the generic title "god".

=== ROUND1 ====
Task:Genesis 1:1-31

Referee holds stop watch

Announcer: In universe #1: god. In universe #2: Star trek Q.
Announcer: on your mark, get set, go ....
Announcer: lets go to universe #1,

Announcer: Here is Elohim dressed in blue sweat pants, and pink leggings
Announcer: I hope he does not plan on creating his people in THAT image!
Announcer: He is cracking his knuckles.
Announcer: What is this, he is getting out blue prints? it appears so.
Announcer: Oh, someone from his pit crew told me, he wants to get the design right.
Announcer: Ok, well lets let him get to work.

Announcer: Lets go over to Universe #2 and see how Star Trek Q is doing.
Announcer: What's this? Ladies and gentlemen he is completely done already.
Announcer: Referee, what was the time on the clock for this?
Referee: Only took an instant. Even faster than I could click the start button.
Announcer: Ref, what is doing now?
Referee: He is down there playing with his world and his people.
Announcer: So folks looks like we have a winner - Q with a time of under 1 second.
Announcer: Well, lets not call this over until the other contestant is done.
Announcer: Let's go back and see how Elohim is doing.
Announcer: So far he created a very plain ball, oh, and a light.
Announcer: Hmmm, not very far looks like.

Announcer: Lets go over to universe #2 and hang out with Q for a while.
Announcer: He usually has some good games going on.
Announcer: We can come back after lunch and see how Elohim is doing.

a little while passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well here we are back at Elohim's Universe
Announcer: He looks very busy. He is naming all this stuff
Announcer: looks like he is busy sorting stuff into categories
Announcer: Other than naming, does not look like he has gotten much done.
Announcer: Let's go back over to Q and maybe play some golf and get some dinner
Announcer: At least he has created food

a little while passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well, we are back at Elohim's universe.
Announcer: Well, let's go ask him what he expects to have done today.
Announcer: Ok, sounds like he will be able to finish the land and seas today.
Announcer: Well lets get some sleep and we can check in with him tomorrow.

a day passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well, we are back at Elohim's universe.
Announcer: Well, let's go ask him what he expects to have done today.
Announcer: Ok, sounds like he will be able to finish the grasses today
Announcer: Well lets get out of here and we can check in with him tomorrow.

a day passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well, we are back at Elohim's universe.
Announcer: Well, let's go ask him what he expects to have done today.
Announcer: Ok, sounds like he will be able to finish the herbs and fruit trees today
Announcer: I guess he knows what he is doing, I would have put the lights on for these trees to grow first, but I guess he is comfortable working in the dark.
Announcer: Well lets get out of here and we can check in with him tomorrow.

a day passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well, we are back at Elohim's universe.
Announcer: Well, let's go ask him what he expects to have done today.
Announcer: Ok, sounds like he will be able to finish the lighting system today
Announcer: Well lets get out of here and we can check in with him tomorrow.

Announcer: He is really moving slow folks.
Announcer: Well lets have him give a call when he is done building so we can come check it out.
Announcer: Well lets get out of here and we can check in with him later...

back to the announcer....
Announcer: Well, we got a call that he is done building.
Announcer: It looks like what Q did about 6 days ago
Announcer: Folks, wait we have a message from the referee.

Referee: Elohim has asked that we not stop the clock now that he is done.
Announcer: What does he mean.
Referee: He says that he wants to rest for an entire day before we stop the clock
Announcer: Your kidding right, we can't stop it now.
Referee: No he is very serious. He want's to rest and do nothing for an entire day.
Announcer: I would have thought he might have wanted to stop the clock when he was done.
Referee: Nope, he want to stop the clock, after he sits around for an entire day.

Announcer: Well lets get out of here and we can check in with him tomorrow.

a day passes ....
back to the announcer....

Announcer: Well, we are back at Elohim's universe.
Announcer: Looks like he is finally done.
Announcer: Referee, what was the official time

Referee: The official time for Elohim: 168 hours, including 24 hours of siting around.
Referee: The official time for Star Trek Q: less than 1 second

Announcer: So there you have it folks
Announcer: The winner, Q
Announcer: Lapping Elohim by 168 hours.

Announcer: Ref, how is Elohim doing with the news that he lost
Referee: He looks pretty angry

Announcer: Yeah, if those folks he built don't thank him alot for all the hard word he did, I bet he will unleash a hell on them.

Referee: uh, excuse me.
Announcer: Yes?
Referee: Elohim never built a hell.
Announcer: Are you sure?
Referee: I am very sure. He showed me the blueprints and even the official documentation he put into Genesis.
Referee: I hear is going to take care of that several thousand years from now.
Referee: He is going to send down someone to create that for him.

Announcer: Who is he going to get to do that job. Nobody is going to want to get blamed for creating hell.
Announcer: Do you know who is planning on sending?
Referee: Word around town is that son his has been acting up.
Referee: I think he is planning on sending his son.
Referee: He has that smooth way of talking.

=====Well all, I hope you enjoyed this amusing tale ====

--Jack

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